‘ i don’t care if you say my name like it’s poison or like it’s a prayer, as long as it leaves your lips. ’
GROWLING SUGGESTION MEME // OPEN
The hands that had been gripping at the youth minister’s shirt didn’t loosen their grip on the pink collar. Not at first. And the pressure with which Robert had cornered Joseph against his living room’s wall remained there. The lingering promise of violence that seemed always present within his core was only truly tested when JOSEPH was there. The mere sight of him drove Robert over the edge, never quite sure whether he wanted to KILL HIM or FUCK HIM. That blind moment of savagery that came with LETTING GO was all he could ever think of. He too didn’t care how he broke Joseph; he just wanted to see him squirm … To see the façade of PERFECTION crumble beneath his touch, be it a punch or a stroke, it didn’t matter … He WANTED IT. And now as they both stood there, breathing heavily, ready to cross that line once again, Joseph’s words cut through him like a sharp blade. Theirs was an ugly dance. Clumsy and chaotic, blood spilled over a pristine marbled floor. Despite how different they were, they seemed to be equally DISTASTEFUL.
Brown eyes examined the younger man’s face. The distance between them was practically nonexistent. And Robert couldn’t help but furrow his brow as the minister’s claim sunk into his skin and SCARRED HIM. He shook his head lightly as if disappointed at that thought, his attention shifting between the blond’s lips and eyes. Both calloused hands hurried to yank at the other man’s belt in one unnecessarily rough movement. ❝ You’re sick. ❞ He hissed through gritted teeth. It wasn’t made clear whether Robert was speaking to Joseph or HIMSELF. None of that seemed to matter though. Not now.
‘ i'm too tired to deal with any of this. ’
GROWLING SUGGESTION MEME // OPEN
Robert puckered his lips thoughtfully while chewing over Kent’s words. Top secret government secrets laid just inside that man’s suitcase … Robert was guessing alien life-forms. Maybe mutants. Something was keeping Mansley awake at night. The US military had a passion for the theatrics and, despite the not-so-misguided belief that Robert was a conspiracy loon back in Maple Bay, there were plenty of reasons for one to believe that men like Mansley had the job to keep the people IN THE DARK regarding certain subjects. Robert leaned over the diner’s table, squinting his eyes. ❝ No one blames you, Mansley. You got a lot on your plate. Looks like you need to talk it over, huh? So what is it this time? UFO? Illegal human drug testing? Clown cults? BIG FOOT? ❞ The man nodded with his head. ❝ It’s Big Foot isn’t it? ❞ Robert leaned back against his seat, getting a hold of his nearly empty whiskey glass. ❝ I fucking knew it. ❞
‘ i have no home anymore. ’ ( i intend for us to drown in the angsty ask memes ?? )
GROWLING SUGGESTION MEME // OPEN
It was a sentence that no parent would want to hear their child speak. If Robert’s daughter felt as if she had no home, no safe space for her to return to, no familiarity or warmth to greet her after a stormy day at sea, what did that say about him? About his role as a father? What did that sense of loss tell about Val’s childhood? He parted his lips while glancing down at his glass of whiskey, hoping to find some reassurance spilling out of his mouth. One little white lie that could bring some COMFORT to the only person left on earth who shared his blood. But instead, he was met with his own silence. He pressed his glass against his lips and drank. Only thing he knew how to do nowadays was just that ; get drunk. Only thing he could TRUST himself to be capable to do and do WELL.
Robert furrowed his brow, disappointed at his own inability to be a GOOD PARENT. He couldn’t even LIE to Val … FOR Val. PATHETIC. ❝ I’m sorry. ❞ He mumbled. ❝ I wish things were different. ❞ At least there was some relief in knowing that if he was unable to lie to Val for her own good, then all which left his lips could only be TRUTHFUL. ❝ I messed up. ❞ The truth, however, ripped open the stitches that kept old wounds from tearing Robert into pieces. ❝ Messed up big time. ❞ But wasn’t this love to some extent? ❝ Doesn’t mean you have to make the same mistakes I did. ❞ Ripping himself open in front of Val, willingly exposing all of his guts and gore ? ❝ I don’t want you to stay here for too long, Val. ❞ Hoping she would, somehow, NOT look away? ❝ You stick around for too long and you’ll remember why, sometimes, it’s better not having a home. ❞
‘ is it my fault? it’s my fault. it’s always my fault. ’
GROWLING SUGGESTION MEME // OPEN
A small sigh could be heard from the bathroom followed by a flushing of a toilet. Out came Robert, zipping up his jeans, still missing a shirt and circling the bed where Lucius sits like a hyena circles a struggling antelope. Unsure whether to pounce or keep away ; unsure whether this might be his last meal for a while or just part of the scenery. But contrary to Maple Bay’s beliefs, Robert Small WASN’T a predator. ❝ We’re two consenting adults. I think it’s OUR fault. ❞ He kept his distance not to observe weak spots but to protect his own from his guest. There was a moment of silence as Robert eyed Lucius, examining the skin unhidden by his bedsheets which he had left some marks upon last night. He tilted his head. He always enjoyed dragging his teeth over his partners’ flesh, but whenever morning came, Robert felt as if he couldn’t be held RESPONSIBLE for any of the reddish circles lingering over all those necks and thighs. Brown eyes finally blinked. It had always been difficult to guess what went through Robert’s head. His face seemed to be locked tightly, containing emotions behind a shut door no one was ever able to open. He finally bent over to grab a shirt. ❝ Your pants are in the bathroom. I need to be somewhere. Just make sure you shut the door properly when you leave, ‘ight? ❞
❝ best drinks have self defining names. you order a manhattan, god knows what you’re gonna get, but you order a gin and tonic, a jack and coke, it’s not just a name. it’s a command. ❞
AMERICAN GODS EP. 4 MEME // CLOSED
Robert listened to Lucius, glancing at his empty glass as the other man made his point clear. He gestured towards Neil, asking for a refill. ❝ Damn straight. ❞ Robert said as he finally focused his squinted gaze on the yoga instructor. ❝ Don’t get why anyone would wanna put coke in their drink though. ❞ Neil places a new glass filled with GLISTENING WHISKEY upon the counter. He picked it up and held it in front of Lucius as if it were a rare and precious treasure. ❝ All these people mixing their alcohol with sweet shit, trying to fool their bodies into thinking it’s NOT gonna fuck your liver up and make you act like an idiot for the rest of the night until you puke your guts out near some alley dumpster… ❞ He shook his head before downing the whiskey in one long sip. Robert slammed the glass against the counter making the remaining ice cubes nearly fly out. It burned his throat. The ache spread all the way down to his lungs. But Robert simply clenched his jaw.
❝ Don’t half-ass it. If you’re gonna drink, DRINK. ❞
❝ why’d you help me ? ❞
AMERICAN GODS EP. 4 MEME // OPEN
His chest rose and fell as he glanced at the other man, dumbfounded. Both their clothes were still soaking wet and Robert’s years of chain smoking, alcohol and substance abuse always seemed to catch up to him whenever he indulged his HEROIC urges … Thankfully these were VERY rare. His arms shook slightly as he pushed himself off the ground onto a sitting position. He had seen Joseph’s clumsy ass falling off his yacht and decided to jump in and drag him to shore. At least that’s what he’d tell others if they were ever to ask. He wouldn’t mention how the blond man seemed to have leaped off his boat into the water. Robert wouldn’t mention how he just sort of stood there for a few seconds waiting for the guy to rise again only to be met with DEAD SILENCE. He wouldn’t mention how he had to perform the lousiest mouth to mouth performance ever seen due to his drunken state … He also wouldn’t mention Joseph’s disappointed tone when asking that question. ❝ Not sure. ❞ Brown eyes lazily examined the other father from head to toe, scoffing. ❝ Now that I take a good look at you, I figure I should’ve just let you DROWN. ❞ A dark eyebrow arched. Although there was no hint of a smile on Robert’s face, one could hear a distant hint of sarcastic humor lacing his words. ❝ Khakis? Really? ❞
❝ are we … discussing this, or are you telling ? ❞
AMERICAN GODS EP. 4 MEME // OPEN
His eyes don’t leave his daughter’s as Robert flicks some ash onto a nearby ashtray. He would have liked to appear ENTHUSIASTIC or at the very least HAPPY like all the other fathers managed to look whenever their children walked into the room. With kids, the world was suddenly made of sunshine, lollipops, rainbows and fading addictions. But Robert’s greatest tragedy was how AWARE he was of the world surrounding him. He was aware of the sad history filling up the space between Val and him. Was aware that she had every right to dislike him and to hold a grudge. But most of all, Robert was painfully aware of how much his daughter LOOKED like him. He saw too much of himself in Val despite of all these years they had spent apart. Dark heavily-lidded eyes that seemed profoundly unimpressed by everything life had to offer … An expression of a young adult who was already too familiar with DEATH and FILTH. My god, Robert thought, please don’t let her turn out like me.
❝ I’m advising. ❞ He underlined raspingly before taking another drag of his cigarette. He glanced around the bar, taking a deep breath, trying to shake off any hints of frustration or fear that might have been present in his voice. Robert hadn’t been there for Val. To him, she had become a grown woman overnight, in between drunken naps, silently and away from his gaze. He hadn’t been a good father. But he was a father nonetheless. And he was only certain of this due to the bone-rattling WORRY he had for that young woman’s well-being. ❝ Do not accept Christiansen’s invitation, Val. ❞ Robert took a long drag from his cigarette and breathed out smoke. ❝ And whatever you do do not go into that fucking yacht. ❞
❝ i lived my life, good and bad. definitely not light as a feather. ❞
AMERICAN GODS EP. 4 MEME // OPEN
Each word is heavy with meaning. As if within each syllable there is a story to be told. The community’s poster boy for good behavior and high morals was covered in a layer of dust no one had dared to brush their fingers upon. PERFECTION was an unnatural condition and yet, there stood Joseph, struggling against the constraints of what he WISHED to be. Threatening to rip through the well-fabricated costume of a HAPPY MAN. Robert wasn’t entirely sure why he’d open up to HIM of all people; he wasn’t a good person, he wasn’t a good advisor, HELL, Robert wasn’t GOOD. He was the exact opposite of everything Joseph had come to represent. And perhaps that was it. Admittance of ugliness to the ugly ought to be met with some form of EMPATHY. To Robert, however, the whole scenario felt a bit LAUGHABLE.
Dark brown eyes never pulled away from the other’s face, drinking in every inch of HONESTY he could find within Joseph’s expression. He had never seen him hurt. Usually he was just met with bright smiles and monotonous banter. One didn’t learn ANYTHING from happiness. Joy left no scars, peace didn’t get the BLOOD PUMPING. Give Robert a broken man any day; they know what it takes to survive. ❝ Who has? ❞ He asked before taking another sip of his whiskey. The glass was half empty now. Two rocks of ice clinked against each other. This was his fifth drink. ❝ You think all this holy bullshit would make you a better man, but it doesn’t, ❞ Robert raised his gaze to eye Joseph again. ❝ Just makes you sadder. ❞
He leans over slowly, giving Joseph enough time to move away from his touch. But he doesn’t. One calloused hand gently pressed against the minister’s thigh, sliding slightly upwards, carefully squeezing the flesh there. Dark eyes never pulled away from the man’s face. Not now that they were this close. Not now that he could practically smell the skin hiding beneath that RIDICULOUS polo of his. The background noise of people talking and televised commercials seems to disappear completely. No one else sees it; that moment of HONESTY. It’s a treasure that has been unveiled for Robert alone to see. And perhaps he would have given such an occasion the ATTENTION it deserved if he were SOBER. But he hasn’t been sober in YEARS and there’s a distant promise of a heartbeat beneath the palm of his hand. There’s a flash of teeth then; a smile that could only mean trouble.
❝ Might as well give BAD a shot. ❞
❝ what d’ya say, huh ? ❞ wanna break into a warehouse
AMERICAN GODS EP. 4 MEME // OPEN
Robert’s lips slowly curled into a grin once Beck’s proposition fully sunk in. Maple Bay was a good place to live if you intend to raise a family and retire early; but Robert was childless and unaware of his age which desperately tried to weigh his body down into a grave. ❝ Now you’re speaking my language. ❞ With one swift movement, he pressed the bottle of whiskey against his lips and downed the glistening liquid left in a few LOUD sips. It burned. It set his throat and lungs on fire. The pain on the man’s face was very visible, but Robert was quick to create a diversion by SMASHING the bottle down onto the sidewalk, not bothering to watch out for the flying shards of glass that might wound them both. Instead he focused on the man before him; a promise of REAL ENTERTAINMENT embodied in one individual … Beck couldn’t possibly be aware of the RESPONSIBILITY which came with such a title. One hand lightly smacked the back of the other man’s head.
❝ C’mon Becky. Show us the way. ❞
❝ my parents believed in everything. father, son, holy ghost, spirit filled and full of the light of god. they taught me all of it, chapter and verse. ❞
AMERICAN GODS EP. 4 MEME // OPEN
A cigarette dangled between Robert’s fingers as he eyed the other man with a heavily-lidded gaze. His parents had also been deeply religious people. Why he knew everything there was to know about fathers, sons and ghosts, holy or not. But the more he lived out his life, the more Robert Small became aware of how DISTANT these religious figures seemed to be from him. God had become nothing more than an estranged cousin which used to come and visit during festivities. That distant relative, standing in the back of all the family pictures, who you couldn’t really name. GOD, Robert thought as he flicked some ash off his Marlboro Red, WHAT A JOKE. ❝ Hey, it’s ok, ❞ Small started, one of his hands resting upon Dresdaen’s shoulder in one reassuring gesture. The words which rolled off his tongue next, however, tasted deeply OFFENSIVE.
❝ Just because your parents were dumb shits that doesn’t mean YOU gotta be a dumb shit. ❞
